just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
