Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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