I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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