I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
