Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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