I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize