grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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