Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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