my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
