i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
