Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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