38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
