you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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