How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
