We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
