Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You took a bar mat shot.
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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