An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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