you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
