p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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