I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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