I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
