Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
