Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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