He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got inside last night via doggy door
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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