I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
