new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
