i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
