I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
