I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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