this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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