I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
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It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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