Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
