***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
