just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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