You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
