Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
