Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize