Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
