you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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