Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
