im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
