that's an acceptable place to lick
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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