Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
