He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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