I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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