My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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