I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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