I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
