I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
