Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
