one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
