Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
