If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize