party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
