"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
