Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
