I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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