Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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