So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize