At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
