I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
