I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
