You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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