: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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