He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
