Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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