I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!