i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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