did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
