i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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