Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
