Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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