How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
