The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
