so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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