Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
