My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
