last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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