omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
