sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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