Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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